Middle aged Tgal trying to make it in the world

Just rambling on a Saturday morning

2008-11-29T02:27:00.000-08:00

Where has the year gone? It seems like just a couple of weeks ago I was putting my winter coats and sweaters away and looking forward to Spring and here last night I put up the Christmas decorations in my condo!

I would love to thank all of you that have commented on my blog and those who have read it without leaving a comment. Believe me I had hoped to post more and more often but as they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I would say one of my New years resolutions would be to be more faithful to my blog but I gave up making resolutions many years ago. It may have been the only resolution I stayed true to!

It has been cold here, even more so than normal at this time of the year, and I have learned why slacks and jeans are oh so popular. A thin pair of slacks with tights under them seem to keep one a lot warmer than even the heaviest wool skirt, tights, and boots do. I do wear a skirt to work everyday, mandatory in my job, and of course Sunday services but other than that it is jeans for me. Am I becoming too comfortable as a woman? I don't know but I do now I am comfortable in the cold and even more importantly in myself.

Speaking of skirts and Sunday services times sure have changed! I can remember growing up a woman would not think of going to church in anything but a skirt or a dress. Back in those days women even had to wear something on their head in the Catholic Church. I am sure you all know where the term "Sunday best" came from. Last week at church there was two of us in a skirt. One member who is in her 70's and me! I looked about at all the women my age and know they were raised differently. Granted comfort and warmth are important but would it hurt you to put on a skirt and hose for two hours a week?

I had to work yesterday morning so I was not part of the Black Friday rush but many of my customers had been out shopping and they said it was a rush as always. I did go out to the mall yesterday afternoon after I got off and changed and the buys are out there! I started out to just look around but ended up doing most of my Christmas shopping and at some fantastic prices. Sweaters originally $75 for $30 and I treated myself to a pair of boots marked $49 from $150!

In one of my previous posts I spoke of my date and yes the relationship is still going and blossoming! He is a gentleman and it is more than just the intimate stuff. Many of us girls dream of relationships like this and they are out there so keep your standards up grils.

Shopping is not always fun!

2008-10-15T06:02:00.000-07:00

Way back in the dark ages when I was a crossdresser I loved to shop. I still do but in those days there were certain things that I never gave a second thought to but now that I live as a female I have discovered the two items that most terrorize females when they need to buy them. First I think everyone has heard about and that is bathing suits. We fret about how much it shows and how it makes look fat but somehow we make it through. The other, well at least for me and a few friends I have heard talk about it is shopping for a new bra!

When I was just a CD bras seemed to last for years, then again I didn't wear them everyday, they weren's washed daily, and fit was more important as I only wore them a few hours. Also the comfort required back then was for two hunks of silicone, not my own flesh! Nowadays I need a bra, not that I am that big, but without one I look terrible in my opinion. Coming up on 6 years of HRT I have somewhat "developed" into between an A and B cup. I truly understand why Playtex calls them "Thank Goodness It Fits!" I can sometimes wear other bras as sizes in bras wander like they do on all clothes but a 36 Nearly B fits me everytime. My only issue is everytime I find a style that is comfortable, supportive, and cute they seem to discontinue it!

Well yesterday afternoon I broke down and headed out to buy a new bra as the ones I have been wearing are starting to wear out. I headed to the local Kohl's as they always have a good selection armed with the style number of my favorite bra. As there were none on the racks I asked the SA who checked and informed me that style was discontinued, just my luck! Saddened to learn this I started hunting the racks. I grabbed all 4 styles of soft cup bras in my size and headed to the fitting room. I tried each one on and found fault with each one although one was comfy and supportive but it was not very pretty so I set it aside. The SA suggested I try an underwire as there was more selection so as I started with 2 she kept brining me more. At least I found domething that met my needs.

In the end I bought two of the soft cup, sadly they only had them in white, and 3 of underwires in various colors. I went home and sat down and wrote a nasty note to Playtex about discontinuing my favorite bra, wonder if they will reply? Still it just amazes me how we girls put up with this, men don't have these issues with underwear. Boxer shorts are boxer shorts yet we women are subjected to the changing whims of fashion. Are we just too picky or are men just that "I could care less"?

Dating in the Real World

2008-10-04T00:24:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a date with a man, the first one I have had in a while. Berfore any of you gasp yes he knew I was a pre-op TS. I met him through a mutual friend so I figured it can't be that bad can it? God I forgot what a nightmare dating can be! It is not like I have ever dated that much but I don't remember it being such a royal pain! Like I said it had been a while, since I went on a date. In the beginning I dated a lot though a long term relationship seemed to end after 3 or 4 dates but the past year or so I hadn't been out at all. and frankly I was a bit reluctant to even go on this one.

It took me a while to get ready, including changing three times eventually ending up with the skirt and sweater I had first put on. Hey guys, we women are allowed to change our minds! Thankfully I had started early enough and was sitting in the living room when he rang the bell promptly at 7 as he said he would. I asked him if he wanted to come in for a glass of wine but he said we had dinner reservations. He was a gentleman and helped me into my wrap and off we went. As the entire evening progressed I discovered he was a perfect gentleman opening doors for me etc., but I digress.

We had dinner at a lovely restaurant not far from my place. I had eaten there before and loved the food there. As I stared at the menu I realized I was expecting this man to pay for my meal so I decided against an appetizer and ordered just a dinner. I am not much of a drinker so I nursed my galss of wine all the way through dinner until we had coffee after. I skipped on the dessert nt only to avoid looking like a gold digger but also those sweets go straight to my butt and it is big enough already! After dinner we went to a nice little pub he knew and talked, listened to the music, and even danced some. He seemed truly fascinated iwth my journey and how I got to where I am today.

At the beginning I found it tough to open to him but as the evening pregressed and my second glass of wine hit me I felt more at ease and relaxed. I even invited him in for a cup of coffee or a nightcap when he dropped me off but he declined as he knew I had to get up early for work. He did kiss me but that was as far as his advances went, a far cry from the last couple of first dates I have gone on.

I have discovered that dating as a single woman is tough. You have to look beautiful (well in my case as best as you can do), be a charming conversationalist, open to all sorts of restaurants and ideas, laugh at stale jokes, and even fight off advances. (Why do men assume all a TGurl wants from a date is sex?) This is the first "first" date I have actually enjoyed and I actually hope he calls me for a second one. There are gentleman out there ladies, I may have found one, and yes it was worth all the trouble.

Being Catty

2008-09-12T09:24:00.000-07:00

Amazing how women talk amongst themselves and about other women. I never realized how “dirty” some women talk nor how actually catty or competitive they are until I became one. Over the past couple of years I have become good friends with one of the other waitresses I work with and am now included into her circle of friends. No for the record they do not know of my past, to them I am just another middle aged divorcee trying to make it in the world.
Last night Janet (my waitress comrade), Liz (a mutual friend who is a waitress at another family owned restaurant), and I all met for a nice dinner, something we treat ourselves to every couple of weeks. It was a nice Italian place and we had a table near the waiting area, thank heavens for reservations! As we sat there having dinner we all had a good view of the door and could see just about everyone coming and going. Amazing how catty our remarks got about the female patrons as they came and went.

We criticized how they dressed with comments like she is old enough to know not to wear that or their companions like wonder if his wife knows about her. I guess what amazes me is how easily I fell into the chatter and how I made comments like she should have looked in the mirror after she poured herself into those slacks!

When I first started down this road I would have never talked like that. I was not shy but I was raised with 3 sisters and my mother and never would my mother have allowed my sisters to criticize another woman like that when they were in public. I remember once a while back m one sister saying something to my mother about how a woman at church had a big rear end and her skirt did nothing to hide it. My sister was maybe 17 or so back then, she is 2 ½ years younger than me, and all my mother did was smile at her and tell her wait until she had a couple of kids and she would better understand. My how times have changed!

Working Girl

2008-08-31T00:48:00.000-07:00

I guess when I started my road to full time femininity I thought everything was going to be rosy and the world would welcome me with open arms. Did I ever have a lot to learn! After a few months of being a lady of leisure I decided to get a job, just part time at first. I didn't really need the money then but it would be nice as I had discovered a woman's expenses are more than a man's. If you don't believe me just check out the prices of woman's clothes compared to men's. A man buys 3 pairs of underwear and they last him years while panties seem to lose their shape quickly, but I digress.

I couldn't rely on my degree and I had the non-compete contract so I started hitting the shops and malls putting in applications. Nothing. After a month or so I was so depressed I didn't know what to do with myself. I remember meeting a friend for lunch at a little diner not far from my place and as we talked she pointed they had a sign in the window stating help wanted. I asked for the manager and he said he was looking for a waitress for the breakfast shift, 5:30AM to 11AM. I had no experience but I told him I was a quick learner and promised to always be on time so he said he would give me a chance. Be there the next day at 5:30 in the morning wearing a black skirt and a white blouse, the standard outfit for all the waitresses there. That was 4 1/2 years ago and I am still there!

If none of you have ever worked as a waitress believe me it is hard work. I run my butt off everyday bringing your breakfast, refilling your coffee countless times, making sure your order is right, busing my tables, and taking cash along with taking and getting carry-out orders and all the side work involved. And I get a whole $3.50 an hour for that. Trust me we earn our tips! Too make sure I am there on time I get up at 4 in the morning, or earlier if I have a bout of insomnia like tonight, get dressed, do my make-up, do my hair, and out the door I go. There are always things that have to be done before we even open up at 6 for breakfast and on a typical Sunday the crowd starts about 8 and we go until 2 in the afternoon serving breakfast. Don't get me wrong I love my job and I have my regular customers that treat me well but it is still work! I have to do my nails almost everyday as the solution we use for wiping down the tables is hell on nail polish. If I get two days out of a pair of pantyhose it is a miracle, and the nurses shoes I wear to work last about 4 months before the support is gone and a new pair is needed so tell me how easy my job is!

Oh well better get into the shower it is already after 4, don't want to be late for work!

Being Me

2008-08-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

Like I said earlier, give this girl a Saturday morning and she has energy, I lived as a man for years and learned to accept my fate. Both my mother, God rest her soul, and my sisters knew of Deidre and were as understanding as they could be and as time went on learned to accept me as Deidre. They knew I was going to be me regardless of what they said or felt and as we were a close family, my father passed away when I was barely 8, they welcomed Deidre.

I plodded through life and was coping when my mother became terminally ill when I was 47. I remember one of the last times I visited her in the hospice she made me make two promises to her. First when we had her funeral she wanted an evening of just her children and she wanted Deidre there. Secondly that I would follow what my heart. I promised both her and when she passed away 3 weeks later the first evening's viewing was just the 3 sisters. I believe that evening brought the 3 of us closer together and they vowed to support me regardless of my life style.

The opportunity to make good on my second promise to my mother came a couple of years later. The company I had worked for over 25 years was being sold to a competitor. I had always made good money and had been wise with it, hoping to retire early so I was not rich by a long shot but I was comfortable. My house was paid for as were my two cars and I did not live extravagantly. After the sale was complete several of us were offered buyouts. Granted a non-compete contract was demanded of me but I was glad to sign that in return for the generous settlement offered me. I agreed to stay on for 6 months at my current compensation to help with the transition but that first day after I signed the buyout I visited my therapist and was given the OK to start HRT.

I was 2 months shy of my 50th birthday that last day of work. I was excited about the future yet scared and unsure of what lay ahead for me. I remember having a tear in my eye as I pulled out of that driveway for the last time. I got home, changed out of my male drab for the last time, poured myself a drink and sat on the deck watching the sunset wondering what tomorrow would hold for me.

Was I scared? Yes! Did have any idea of what I was going to do? No! Was I ready for this? I thought I was. Did have any idea what I had gotten into? A very definite NO!

Looking back I can say it has been a lot different than I dreamt it would be and in many ways scary but if I have any regrets at all about what I did it is I only wish I had done it sooner.

Introduction

2008-08-30T08:23:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to do this for a long time but like so many things in my life I never got to it. Today the time has come to start on a new leaf.

First let me introduce myself. My name is Deidre Elizabeth, I am soon to be 55, maybe that is what got me started today thinking about turning the double-nickel. My story id long and complex but I started out a crossdresser and through the years I came to realize with the help of others that I was truly a transsexual. Many things prevented me from taking the transition step in my earlier years but 5 years ago everything fell into place so I jumped at the chance. Now I live and work as the woman I should have been born.

I have to admit things were a lot different than I imagined they would be when I started all of this. There have been many trials and tribulations and yes there were times I was about ready to screw it all and walk away but I knew this was my fate. Where all of this goes I am not really sure, maybe you can help guide me as to what you want to know.

Oh well, here I go taking yet another plunge into the unknown!